Have you ever started a job and thought, “Wow! Is my co-worker charming and cute!”? Have you ever caught your partner looking at your longingly or with googly eyes? If you have, you’ve come to the right place. This is your ultimate guide for putting a stop to romantic feelings between partners before it starts. Keep reading to discover how you can make sure your partner never falls in love with you.
1.Is your partner being overly complimentary?
Put a stop to it by not wearing deodorant or showering. The sheer smell of your B.O. in a confined environment like an ambulance will put an end to the mooning over you.
2. Does your partner love asking you about your weekend and asks several follow-up questions?
This is a sign of love. Put a stop to it by oversharing. Let your partner know every single detail of your life–be sure to include your things like how that one kid threw up all over you at their first birthday party. The more your life looks like a dumpster fire, the faster the crush will disappear.
3. When you’re on a long shift, does your partner insist on buying you food or sharing theirs?
Put a stop to this by bringing your own snacks and food and refusing to share. Pro Tip: Bring the smelliest foods you can think of, like Funyons, tuna salad, stinky tofu, or durian.
4. Do you hate earning your CEUs, but your partner is all about staying on top of recertifying?
Take advantage! Wait until the last minute to recertify, then see if your partner can help at the last minute possible. Seeing your irresponsibility and lack of care for your career is sure to put a damper on your relationship.
5. Is your partner always asking for your opinion and help?
That’s great! This is your opportunity to show them how much you know. Be sure that your tone to answer all questions for your partner is always arrogant and condescending. It will help your partner get over any crush they may have.
6. Are you being crushed on by a trainee?
This is the perfect time to ensure their crush doesn’t continue. When training your new partner, share all your opinions with them. Let them know who the worst people are in your agency are. Tell them all the in-house gossip. Don’t encourage them to form any opinions on anyone–tell them exactly what you think so that they will share all your thoughts. Hopefully, they will see you as jaded, and their crush will die a swift, painful death.
7. You’ve tried all these tactics, and your partner is still crushing?
It’s time to take drastic measures. Ask to trade shifts…All. The. Time. Make it a habit, and make sure to never reciprocate for others.
8. Is the crush still persisting?
Your partner must have it bad! But there is hope. Ask your partner to run some errands for you. If they’re running into the store for a quick bathroom break, see if they can pick up a birthday present for your nephew while they’re in there. Or maybe see if they can grab the toiletries you’ve been meaning to pick up. Each time you stop, see if they can complete a task for you.
9. If your partner is still falling at your feet, it’s time to pull out the big guns.
Be a squirrel. I know. It’s a big ask–but it can be fun…for you. Next time you’re on a 3:00 a.m. run in a neighborhood, insist on turning on the lights and siren. It’s important. Wake up the whole community, embarrass your partner, and keep doing this until the crush wears away.
10. Make a playlist.
If your partner still thinks you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread and wants to be near you all the time and puts up with all your attempts to get them to stop crushing. It’s time to get serious and make a playlist. Not a romantic one. A lame one. Find out what music your partner hates and play it non-stop forever. Memorize all the lyrics and serenade them every chance you get.
That’s it. Our comprehensive list of things to do to make sure your partner either never falls in love with you or quickly falls out of love with you.
Let us know how it goes!